Super Mario is a man of many talents. He’s an expert at saving kidnapped Princesses, is a go-karting legend, has a PhD in medicine, and can even give Roger Federer a run for his money in a tennis match. This jack-of-all-trades has gone from being the star of a 2D Super Mario platforming game to dominating numerous genres across the gaming industry. Not only that, but several of his buddies have found a way to mooch off his success and now have games of their own. With that being said, not all spin-offs see the light of day; here are a few game ideas we keep pitching, but Nintendo keeps rejecting.
Super Mario Plumbing Simulator
If games such as Farming Simulator and Forklift Simulator can be successful, then it’s almost a guarantee that a Plumbing Simulator would be a smash hit. Slap Mario’s mustachioed face on the box cover, and it’s a certified home run. It would also be nice to see Mario do his actual job for a change. Tasks could be as varied as setting up a plumbing system for Bowser’s Castle, all the way to unclogging a toilet for Toad. The gameplay would present itself as a puzzle; moving PVC tubes around to properly connect sewage lines sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime experience…
Princess Peach’s Castle Creator
Do you like The Sims? Do you like the Mario universe? Then Princess Peach’s Castle Creator is the game for you! Design your own house in The Mushroom Kingdom, starting with a lowly Toadstool House, but working your way up to a Castle that would make even Peach herself jealous! Players could create and customize their own character; Goombas, Koopa Troopas, Boos, or Humans could all be used as a starting template. You could then visit other players game worlds, Animal Crossing style. In fact, Nintendo could just give Animal Crossing a Mario-oriented graphical overhaul and we would be happy…
Shy Guy’s Social Anxiety Simulator
If Ubisoft doesn’t want to make a proper stealth-action game in the form of a new Splinter Cell, then maybe Nintendo needs to do it. Enter Shy Guy’s Social Anxiety Simulator. Players take on the role of Shy Guy as he attempts to make his way back to his room in Bowser’s Castle without encountering any other people. Employ tactics such as “Stare at feet and quickly walk by,” or “Move to the other side of the hall when people are approaching,” to avoid falling into conversation with Bowser’s other henchmen. The game gets more exciting when you are given a task by Bowser himself, asking players to go find Mario. Do your best to track him down while avoiding social interaction with your coworkers and citizens of Mushroom Kingdom…
As thrilling as these games sound, don’t expect them to ever see the light of day. Mario and his pals are too busy with their other side gigs to even think about taking on another task. Maybe once he’s older and grows out of his go-karting phase some of these will be released. Until then, we must make do with the games we have.