If there’s any gaming mascot that has successfully maintained their squeaky clean, family-friendly image over the years, it’s definitely Mario. Nintendo’s beloved main man has appeared in countless wholesome titles, spreading the company’s values of brightly colored E-for-Everybody fun wherever he goes.
He always seems to triumph in the end, no matter the odds that are against him. He’s been in some pretty darn untenable positions in the past, from Wario stealing his entire franchise to requiring rescue from his hapless brother Luigi, but he pulls through. Here are some of the worst things that have ever happened to Mario.
10 He Was Framed For The Isle Delfino Graffiti
It’s not an easy life, being a hero. If you look away from Princess Peach for more than one-eighth of a nanosecond, Bowser’s whisking her away and you’ve got a ten-foot lizard monster to contend with. After the 412th time this had happened, you’d better believe Mario had earned a vacation.
Sadly for him, the tropical resort of Isle Delfino is Mario, Peach and Toadsworth’s destination in 2002’s Super Mario Sunshine. On arriving there, they find that a mysterious villain dubbed Shadow Mario has befouled the island with goopy pollution and graffiti. Our noble hero, who has never so much as returned a library book one minute late, is believed to be the perpetrator.
9 He Was Sentenced To Clean Up The Entire Island
Now, if you can’t tell the difference between the regular, luxuriously-mustached Mario and Shadow Mario, we don’t know what to tell you. You’re not the most observant soul around, let’s leave it at that.
Nevertheless, Mario is arrested and put on trial. The jurors (who clearly aren’t the brightest Pianta-bulbs in the box) find him guilty and he is sentenced to clean up the whole island, forbidden to leave until he’s done so. This was a little worse than the previous entry, but no harm was done in the end. It was an excuse for a tropical island adventure, and Mario never could resist an opportunity to play the hero and showboat.
8 He Was Kidnapped By King Boo
Unusually, the GameCube arrived without a fully-fledged Super Mario game in tow. Instead, fans were treated to the quirky Luigi’s Mansion, the franchise you’d get if you crossed Resident Evil with Nintendo’s cartoony sensibilities and the silly slapstick of a Monty Python sketch.
In the original game, King Boo created a false mansion to lure Mario and Luigi to him. Mario arrives first and is promptly turned into a painting and trapped by the biggest and Boo-iest of all the Boos. Still, he was soon rescued by his cowardly brother and the stakes weren’t particularly high (what was he going to do, hang there on the wall and look majestic until King Boo’s defeat?), so we won’t rate this one any higher.
7 He Had An Entirely Unnecessary Adventure Through Subcon
If you’re a long-time fan of the Mario franchise, you’ll know that certain games deviate a little from the familiar format. One such title is Super Mario Bros. 2, which left the Mushroom Kingdom behind in favor of a journey through the dream world of Subcon, in pursuit of a villainous toad-king known as Wart.
Super Mario Bros. 2 is an adapted version of the Japan-only Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic, which is entirely unrelated to the Mario series and explains some of the unusual mechanics (when has Mario ever plucked vegetables from the ground to throw at his bewildered enemies? Only here, that’s when). The worst part is that this dream world seems to originate entirely from Mario’s dreams: in one of the cheapest and most cliché endings ever, he awakens as the credits roll. Why did Mario have to be put through all of this? Rated seventh for the waste of time!
6 His Princess Was ALWAYS In Another Castle
As experienced Mario players will tell you, the castle levels are some of the most difficult. Here, Bowser’s bizarre taste in interior decorating is seen to its fullest extent: lava surges around just waiting to burn the dungarees right off your chubby belly, while more spike traps and insta-death drops litter the place than your average Mega Man stage.
Needless to say, then, you want to feel like your efforts weren’t in vain when you conquer one of these levels. Sadly, Super Mario Bros. just didn’t care about hurt feelings. It didn’t have an ounce of mercy. It just hit us with the hilarious and meme-worthy thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle time and again. Rated sixth for an even greater waste of our time!
5 He Finally Gets A Castle Of His Own And Wario Steals It
Mario may love playing the hero, but he’s never been one to expect something for his efforts. He makes a big deal of saving the day, but then he’s off with nothing more than a jovial woohoo and a kiss on the cheek from Princess Peach.
Even so, though, he managed to get himself his own island (Mario Land) and castle in Super Mario Land: Six Golden Coins, only for Wario to make his hilarious, derpy debut (what the heck is going on with his face?) and steal it. Yes, Mario soon sees the pretender off and reclaims his property, but things were looking pretty darn hairy for a moment there. Still, he’s suffered worse!
4 Wario Then Takes Over His Entire Darn Franchise
Now, we’ve never tried to usurp an entire island and swaggy castle from our rivals only to have it all snatched back again, but we can imagine that the whole situation might leave a person feeling just a little bitter. For a proud, greedy character like Wario, it must really, really smart.
He managed to get an unusual kind of revenge, though, by briefly claiming the whole Mario franchise for himself. After Six Golden Coins came Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3, the first of many great games to star Wario himself. That must have hurt our hero’s pride.
3 He Was Blasted Into Space By Kamek
When it comes to Mario villains, of course, Bowser tends to be the one who comes to mind. In terms of brute strength, sheer persistence and terrifying Godzilla resemblance, he’s the most memorable. However, we shouldn’t underestimate the powers of his underlings, especially the dastardly wizard Kamek.
In the opening of the beloved Super Mario Galaxy, Princess Peach is hosting the Star Festival. Naturally, Bowser crashes the party with several airships in tow and not only kidnaps Peach but lifts her entire castle into space (not by hand, you understand). When Mario jumps in to try and intervene, Kamek hits him with a spell and launches him into space too. This was a whole new level of peril for our hero, and only the remaining entries really top the scale of this predicament.
2 He Was (Technically) Defeated By Bowser
Now, granted, nobody counts Mario Is Missing! as a true Super Mario game. Many had no idea that this obscure slice of 1993 ‘edutainment’ existed at all. Still, it does, and it represents something almost unheard of in Nintendo history: Bowser has actually beaten Mario and has the hero helpless in his clutches.
Why Bowser’s scheme is to teleport Koopas around the real world to steal treasure until he can afford enough hairdryers to melt the Antarctic ice in the real world, we couldn’t really tell you. All we know is that Luigi has to set out to rescue his brother by solving various geographical riddles.
1 He Almost Lost Peach To Bowser
As much as being defeated by his arch nemesis must have stung, Super Mario Odyssey presents us with what could have been Mario’s lowest moment ever: loving Princess Peach to Bowser.
As fans will know, the plot of Odyssey revolved around Bowser and the Broodals’ efforts to arrange a marriage between the tyrannical lizard and Peach. At the end of the game, Bowser actually proposes to Peach, and a shocked Mario does the same. Peach refuses both of them, putting Mario on an even keel with the dastardly Bowser. Which really must have sucked for him.