CD Projekt Red accidentally added ultra-realistic vaginas to The Witcher 3 on PS5 and Xbox Series X. Triss, Yennefer, and all the other women barring Ciri who opt to free the beaver throughout the acclaimed RPG have greater detail added to their labia and everything else down below due to a mod that was added alongside several others in December’s mammoth update.
Better yet, the mod was apparently implemented without permission from the creator. I never expected the real story behind virtual vaginas to be so juicy. Well, more so than they usually are, I suppose. I haven’t seen them for myself I’ll be honest, and had to look up screenshots of the offending mons pubis to ensure I was doing the utmost research for an article like this. This bizarre controversy also raised an interesting question about the franchise that nobody has been brave enough to bring to the surface before - where are all the dicks at?
I’ve touched on The Witcher 3’s stale heteronormativity before, such as how it only seems to have a single body type for female characters and a straight-laced idea of sex and romance. It views sex and the passion associated with it from a single-minded perspective, one that isn’t interested in queer depictions of lovemaking or women that don’t appeal to men who desire nothing other than perky breasts, perfect butts, and intercourse right out of the porn they watched online as teenagers. Yes, the unicorn scene was adorable, but it, and every other sex scene in the game, leers on the female form and ignores the rest.
These scenes are tasteful and erotic, yet also juvenile in all the ways that sex in triple-A gaming still is. Even Cyberpunk 2077 had the potential to explore sex with a progressive flair of futurism, but opted instead for
customisable genitals and sex workers across Night City who offer the same cutscene for a price. Hopes that it would break new ground for trans characters were swiftly scuppered when it became clear that there was nothing else to it beyond a few vagina and penis types and sex scenes that didn’t take your genitals into account anyway.
After The Witcher 3’s failures we shouldn’t have been surprised by this lack of progress despite the five-year gap between them, yet it still hurts, and the fact CDPR decided to amp up the vaginal realism of its own accord is equally hilarious and embarrassing when you consider its history. The male gaze has always been its prerogative, and to assume otherwise has turned us into fools time and time again. You would expect a fantasy world like The Witcher 3 to share an equal interest in penises and vaginas, to take a full-frontal approach to all its characters when the scene calls for it.
That is never the case, and aside from a rare shot of Geralt’s behind he is always covered up, almost embarrassed to display his phallic majesty in the fear that players may end up feeling a little fruity for seeing another man’s penis. Even the public bathhouses in certain towns and cities are all about the boobs and butts of women, men far more modest in how they cover up to ensure we don’t get the wrong idea. Free the penis already, and have the balls to present video games as an equal opportunity playground for sex where all bodies are treated equally. Video games are a historically misogynistic medium though, and only in recent years have we seen it begin to shed baggage that held it back for decades. Women are known to be depicted in certain ways or ignorantly written to rob them of agency, thanks to ingrained biases many aren’t even aware they possess. We still have a long way to go.
The Witcher 3’s enhanced vaginas will be removed in an upcoming patch, with CDPR calling it an innocent mistake that was never intended for release. A fucky wucky if you will, one it can sweep under the rug as an awkward little headline instead of using it as a springboard to examine exactly how its games are viewed in the realm of sex and romance. I’m not demanding dick from the rooftops, but asking games to develop a more mature outlook on nudity and how it continues to appeal to narrow demographics isn’t much to ask. Sex is no longer a naughty word to be censored, but a part of life in the art we enjoy to be celebrated.
Okay, maybe part of me wants to see Geralt hang dong, but I’m not alone in that wish.