How’s your 2023 going? We’re two weeks in, just about, and it feels like an eternity has passed. But nothing washes away the monotony like some good words, and we have five great features to unpack this week that range from the Nintendo Switch’s successor to current-gen tech ruining snack time. It’s streaming services getting rid of adverts all over again.
Casting A Video Game Knives Out Movie
After Glass Onion hit Netflix, the internet immediately jumped to repeat the same joke - the third film should star Muppets. The catch being that Benoit Blanc remains a human, just like A Muppet Christmas Carol. The joke went so viral that even director Rian Johnson commented on it, but Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley took things a step further, and imagined what a gaming Knives Out cast would look like.
Lara Croft, Aiden Pearce, Crash Bandicoot, Sephiroth (who is definitely the killer), Geralt, and more make up Stacey’s whodunit cast. It’s like a Fortnite party but only one of them is bothering to get any kills.
Quick Resume Has Ruined My Gaming Snacktime
Loading times are like ad breaks, they give you a little wiggle room to go and grab a quick snack or a drink, maybe even time enough to brew a coffee if it’s chugging. Or, if you’re dealing with the original Skyrim loading screens, you might have time to cook a good Sunday dinner. Loading is dead, though, and even loading up new games is dying out thanks to Xbox’s quick resume feature.
It picks up right where you left off - no menus, no having to pick a save file, none of that. Close the game, open a different one, or even fully turn off the console, and the next time you reopen it, it’ll be exactly as you left it. For Features Editor Ben Sledge, that means it’s harder to grab a bag of crisps.
My First Time With Oblivion: How I Missed An Entire Country
We’re starting another new column this week, My First Time, with Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock leading the charge. Only, he’s a bit lost. Oblivion was his first open-world game, and it came with BioShock in a double-package Xbox 360 deal. He thought it looked ‘naff, stuck it on anyway, and immediately wandered across the country, missing every single key point, and even stumbled past Kvatch where he could’ve progressed the main story. Giant blinking red arrow at the top? Never seen it, mate. Regardless, Joe somehow beat Oblivion and fell head over heels for the genre it introduced him to.
We Need To Stop Praising The Advancement Of AI Art And Voice Acting
AI art steals from real artists to build up an algorithm of uncanny valley messes that are paraded around as revolutionary, and AI voice acting is an emotionless shadow to the real deal. Regardless, the gaming, film, and TV industries all seem intent to push forward with both. As Lead Features Editor Jade King writes, celebrating either when it actively pushes away real artists is disgusting. All it’s doing is saving big corporations money while automating art, stripping away passion, while screwing over already underpaid talent.
The Next Nintendo Console Needs To Be Switch 2
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Switch Pro this, Switch Pro that, how about you Switch things up a bit and touch some grass? Or I don’t know, wait patiently for a successor. It’s a bit late now for a Pro, but Features Editor Andrew King argues that Nintendo would be making a huge mistake coming up with an entirely new console. It has the perfect device sitting right there, a convenient alternative to the Xbox and PlayStation, and all it needs to do is up the power so it can run more demanding games. Ripping away flexibility for another novel idea would only abandon Nintendo’s greatest stride yet.