The DC movie universe has been struggling in ways that the Marvel Cinematic Universe hasn’t. Man of Steel, Justice League, and Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice received mellow critical reviews (with Wonder Woman being the rare exception), while each of Marvel’s movies have been positively received. Recently, Aquaman came out in theaters, and it was DC’s chance to pick up steam for the reception of their movies. I went to go see it as soon as I could. My head was full of the possibilities of a DC comeback.
Unfortunately, the comeback was not all that I was hoping for. The best that I could call Aquaman is a spectacle. It’s fun to see an underwater world like Atlantis in the midst of an epic battle. The ocean broils with action. And who doesn’t think seeing a kraken-like creature slam sharks around isn’t cool? It was pretty freakin’ amazing to watch the visual grandeur. Aquaman is a blast to witness. The story, on the other hand, left much to be desired.
There were points where I wasn’t clear on what was happening. There were moments that I could see coming a mile away (cough, cough, Atlanna). And there were events that just made absolutely no sense. Characters behaved in ways that went unexplained. Situations, despite the fantastical nature of the underwater setting, came across as ridiculous. I had fun watching the movie, but I wouldn’t call it solid storytelling. Read on if you want to laugh along under the sea about some of Aquaman’s more nonsensical aspects.
25 Hair Physics
King Orm is the main villain of Aquaman. He’s an okay bad guy, with a fairly reasonable point in launching war against the surface-dwellers and exceptional prowess in a battle. But what is up with his hair? It never moves.
It’s like it is glazed to his scalp.
Nearly every other denizen of Atlantis has their hair floating around their face. Orm’s hair remains unmoving. It is freakishly unnatural. Is super hair spray a thing in Atlantis?
24 Getting Royal Time Off
Nuidis Vulko was the adviser to Queen Atlanna, and when her son Orm took the throne, Vulko advised him as well. On Atlanna’s wishes, Vulko traveled to the surface in order to train her other son, Arthur. If Orm or his father had known this, they would not have been pleased.
How was Vulko able to devote so much time away from Atlantis without anyone knowing? Arthur and Vulko’s training sessions seemed to take so much time. You would think Atlantis would miss one of its top officials.
23 What's Your Name Again?
We first met Mera in the movie Justice League. She appears briefly when Atlantis' Mother Box is stolen by Steppenwolf. She tasks Arthur (Aquaman) with retrieving it.
Aquaman takes place after the events of Justice League. But apparently, Arthur never learned Mera's name. They only share names when Mera goes to Arthur for help dethroning Orm. This "beginning" to their relationship just feels off for the rest of the movie.
22 Premature Motions
Orm's motivation for the entire film is eradicating surface-dwellers from the Earth. In order to do this, he must unite all the peoples of the ocean to go to war with the land.
However, Orm wastes no time and declares war on humanity before he has finished collecting allies. Why send such a drastic message that allows humans to prepare for an attack before Orm has his forces gathered? That was not strategic thinking on his part.
21 Castaway In The Earth's Core
The "big reveal" of Aquaman is that Arthur's mom, Atlanna, is still alive. She was purportedly sacrificed to these underwater monsters collectively called the Trench, but she made it past them and wound up near the Earth's core.
She made her abode next to the legendary Trident of Atlan, a magical weapon that would have allowed her to escape. Strangely, she was never able to get it for herself even though, quite honestly, she had far more admirable traits than Arthur had when he picked up the trident.
20 Proper Submarine Etiquette
David Kane and his father are a bunch of modern-day pirates when we first meet them in Aquaman. They take over a submarine and are only stopped by an appearance from Aquaman.
These pirates aren't too smart, though. They brought actual guns to use inside a submarine. I have never been in a submarine, but I'm fairly certain that not firing bullets inside of one is Submarines 101. Did that stop these learned maritime marauders from doing it anyways? Nope!
19 Of All The Lighthouses In All The World
Atlantis must have been one awful place for Atlanna to run away from. It took a major fight for her to escape, seeing as how she washed up on the shore of Tom Curry's lighthouse wounded and unconscious.
But seriously, how did she end up there, of all places?
Did the currents just take her to that particular shore? Did she decide to swim there on her own before passing out? Atlanna could use magic. Couldn't she have used some of it to help her find a lonely stretch of ocean to chill out in? Or a deserted island?
18 The Not-So-Heroic Hero
Aquaman stops a submarine hijacking (kind of) at the beginning of his movie. He manages to immobilize one of his opponents on the submarine. However, the submarine is on its way down. It is sinking. Arthur has the choice to save the guy who he was fighting, and he doesn't take it.
I suppose I liked the fact that Aquaman was portrayed as being a grittier "hero," but the point of heroes is making that choice to save people no matter what. Arthur was responsible for making an enemy because of that choice.
17 A Trident For A King
Despite working for Orm, Vulko wants Arthur Curry to be the new king of Atlantis. He doesn't approve of Orm's vendetta against the surface-dwellers.
However, Vulko's plan for Arthur's ascendancy is far from perfect.
Vulko wants Arthur to find this mystical trident that will force every Atlantean to acknowledge Arthur as king. First of all, the trail to find the trident did not seem like a sure bet when Vulko described it. Secondly, Arthur's kingship would basically be a subjugation of the Atlantean people by way of magic trident.
16 Wrong Place For A Wormhole
The path to the Trident of Atlan is filled with complications. The journey takes Mera and Arthur from the Sahara Desert to the bottom of the ocean. When they eventually do make it to the bottom of the ocean, what should the pair find but a wormhole.
The wormhole transports them to the Earth's core. The core houses a lush underground world, complete with a secret island. I feel this is a pretty odd place for a wormhole to be located. And I feel that Mera and Arthur should not have survived the trip.
15 Frills, Not Gills
Why are some Atlanteans capable of breathing air and others are not? Some of the Atlantean soldiers that chase after Mera and Arthur have to wear helmets of water in order to be on land. But Orm, Mera, and Vulko seem to have no problems with being above the waves.
I never thought I would want more details on Atlantean biology, but there you have it. Do Atlanteans have gills that function like a fish's? Or is this breathing issue solved by some strange water magic we're not aware of?
14 Get This Man A Shield
Arthur learns this water move from Vulko that involves spinning water in a circle in front of you, like a liquid disc. This disc is then supposed to function as a shield.
Okay, so water is still water. One of the finer qualities of liquid water is the ability for solid objects to pass through it. Water is awesome, don't get me wrong. But it should not be portrayed as this impenetrable shield that can block a stab from a trident. That is seriously not how water works.
13 Which Side Are You On?
In order to rally the Atlantean people to his cause, Orm fakes an attack on them by the surface-dwellers. He hires David Kane, a mercenary, to steal a submarine and use it to fire on a meeting of Atlanteans.
This move, Orm believes, will help bolster his war on the land. David Kane, correct me if I'm wrong, is a part of humanity. Wouldn't helping Orm become Ocean Master further Kane's own destruction? Does David Kane have a grudge against his own people?
12 A Little Drop Of Rain
In order to hear a hologram message from the ancient King Atlan (don't get me started on Atlantean technology), Mera and Aquaman had to activate a device in a cave in the middle of the Sahara. The device, which used to be completely submerged, needed some water in order to work.
Mera pulled a drop of sweat from Arthur's brow in order to turn it on. Are you kidding me?! This thing used to be covered in water. Is a little bit of sweat really all it takes to make it function after years of aridity and disuse?
11 Because Eye Beams Are Cooler
Orm supplies David Kane with some Atlantean gear in order to help him fight against Aquaman. Kane modifies the Atlantean gun and attaches it to a helmet so that it fires from his eyes instead.
I actually liked this visual imagining of the notorious Aquaman villain Black Manta. But I can't understand why Kane would elect to have eye beams instead of a gun. Did he think the eye beams would be easier to use than a gun? I mean, as a pirate, Kane got a lot of practice with a gun.
10 What Remains Of Dinner
This giant kraken-like monster called the Karathen is the creature that guards the Trident of Atlan. Scattered around the room that housed the Trident were the bones of those who were unworthy of it, yet tried to claim it anyways.
Have you seen the size of the Karathen? It is bigger than most buildings. Are you telling me a monster of that size spat out the bones of puny things without swallowing them whole? Or are you trying to tell me that the Karathen delicately nibbled the meat around the bones?
9 Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
When Atlantean Guards attacked Tom Curry's lighthouse in order to bring Atlanna back to Atlantis, she was able to hold them off. However, their arrival caused her to fear for her land family's safety. So Atlanna decided to return to Atlantis.
Couldn't she have tried to live on the run with her family?
Or at least talked to Tom about his preference for their future? They could have come up with a compromise that wouldn't mean Atlanna had to abandon her family.
8 Always A Better Fish
Is it just me, or are Atlanteans an archaic people with just far too segregationist and discriminatory policies? Why would Arthur want to be king of such people?
A crowd of people booed at Arthur and called him a "half-breed" when he fought Orm in the arena. They hungered for war and solved their disputes in gladiator-style fights. Couldn't Aquaman have shown us a small piece of kindness from Atlanteans? They sacrificed their Queen for thinking differently than them for crying out loud!
7 That Vaunted Aggression
Vulko, no matter the moral good of his intentions, betrayed the man he was supposed to serve. When Orm found out that Vulko was helping Arthur behind his back, he actually handled the situation in a reasonable fashion.
A true villain would have ended Vulko's life.
Instead, Orm allowed Vulko to live. Vulko's punishment would be witnessing Orm's triumph in the face of Vulko's secretive manipulations. If you think about it, Orm was pretty merciful.
6 Atlanna Versus The Trench
Atlanna was sacrificed to the Trench after she displeased her people. The Trench are this group of sea people that appear to be ravenous creatures who would like nothing better than to tear you limb from limb.
When Arthur and Mera encounter the Trench, they can barely fend them off with a couple of flares. As far as I'm aware, Atlanna had less than they did when she was sent to the Trench. So how did she survive? The Trench should have torn Atlanna apart.