As you may have gleaned from the title, this list is about Star Wars, and I care very, very deeply about all things Star Wars. I have spent hours discussing the nuances of the films with my friends. Hours. Whether we dislike a certain moment or not, that doesn't stop us from talking about it. I know that the prequels are considered horrible, but I adore going over them, even with a complete stranger. And despite being a divisive movie, The Last Jedi is one of my favorite Star Wars movies simply because it has encouraged fans to engage in conversation about it (even if they are mostly talking about complaints).
What follows is a list of moments and aspects of the Star Wars universe that make no kind of sense. The reason behind my preamble to this list is that I want you to know, no matter how much I might nitpick in the upcoming entries, I ardently love Star Wars. Fellow fans will understand where I'm coming from. For those of you new to Star Wars, don't let my railing prevent you from trying out the movies. They are heaps of fun even though they may be riddled with absurdities. And I mean that, from the bottom of my Wookie-loving heart.
25 The Ultimate Trump Card
Ah, the mystical high ground. The entirety of Revenge of the Sith was a messy collection of moments that didn't make sense, so I pretty much overlooked this one when I first saw the movie. In a story where a whiny young man went from loving his wife to choking her out, a confusing advantage during a lightsaber fight was small beans compared to the rest of it. During Obi-Wan and Anakin's emotional final fight, they battle along a lava river on the planet of Mustafar. At the end, Obi-Wan leaps away and lands on the bank of the river. With that single jump, he claims he has won the fight because he has the "high ground." I think the high ground rule only applies to a fight with Anakin Skywalker because, like an idiot, he tried to jump over Obi-Wan, leaving his limbs completely unprotected during his flip.
24 You've Got A Friend In Me
I don't know how many people noticed this, but I sure did. In The Force Awakens, newcomer Rey forms a close bond with Han Solo, so it's understandable that she'd be upset when Kylo Ren plunges his lightsaber into him. Leia, the love of Han Solo's life, is also understandably upset.
When the two women meet up after his passing, they share an emotional hug.
You know who didn't get a hug from Leia? Oh, just Chewbacca, Han Solo's best friend and a close acquaintance of Leia's. How come Rey, a complete stranger to Leia, got a hug, and Chewie got zilch?! I'd be okay if Rey got a hug in addition to Chewie, but Chewie got nothing, while Rey got a soul-comforting embrace from Princess Leia. Guess Chewie really is just a walking carpet to her.
23 Shiny New Toys
After the original trilogy was over and done with, time went on, and special effects technology improved. By the time George Lucas decided to work on the prequels, computer-generated imagery had become prodigiously impressive. When you watch the prequels, you can notice this change. Everything seems brighter and more advanced. That's all well and good, but it makes no sense in terms of the continuity of the story.
The prequels are in the past, prior to the original trilogy.
Yet the original movies look grungy in comparison. The sequels, The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, do a pretty good job of sticking to the look and atmosphere of the originals. I guess during prequel times, things were just all around shinier.
22 Close To The Vest
A lot of people had a lot of problems with The Last Jedi. I had to admit, I was less than thrilled when I first saw it, but funnily enough, I appreciated it the more I watched it (I've now watched it more than four times). It added to the Star Wars legacy in new ways, which is all any Star Wars fan can ask. But my one true gripe with the movie remains with Admiral Amilyn Holdo.
Holdo is a great character, a determined woman who can make tough calls.
But she makes a huge mistake in not telling her crew what her plans are for their escape. I get that since she's in a position of leadership, she doesn't have to explain herself to her inferiors. Seriously, though, everyone in the Resistance who was fleeing the First Order was terrified. If she had just told them her plan, they could have been reassured. Plus, Poe Dameron wouldn't have felt the need to form his own disastrous plan.
21 Who's Yo Mama?
The creation of the prequels created a ton of continuity errors for the originals. One of the largest occurs when Padmé passes away after giving birth to Luke and Leia. Her passing itself makes absolutely no sense. (She just "lost the will to live?" She couldn't live for her newborn children?) But it also contradicted something Leia said in Return of the Jedi. In that film, Luke asks Leia what she remembers of her mother. Leia says that she remembers her mother being "beautiful" and "sad." How could an infant retain any memories of a woman she met for the briefest of moments? I've heard people explain this by saying that since Leia is Force-sensitive, she could see images of Padmé through their connection. I'm calling bull-turkey.
20 Use The Force, Luke
All Jedi Masters that we meet in the Star Wars movies tell us that the Force is not simply some power that lets you move things around with your mind. It's so much more than that. Right. We get that. But it also lets you move things around with your mind.
Luke seems to forget this when he's trapped in Jabba's Rancor cage.
As the Rancor slowly approaches him, Luke tries to throw a rock at a door control in order to squish the Rancor before it can turn Luke into a tasty snack. Did he forget that he has the Force? Did he really need to pick up a rock and toss it? What if he had missed? A simple nudge with the Force should have sufficed to slide the door shut. But I guess that tension has got to be built.
19 Press The Button!
I did not catch this mistake at all. I'll admit that right here and right now. But after it was pointed out to me, I could never ignore it again. For those of you still out of the know, remember how Padmé and Anakin were cruising around by themselves for the majority of the Attack of the Clones? Their means of transportation was a Naboo Starship, a glossy, reflective ship that looks uber fancy. While using this ship, Padmé uses the same button on the ship's console to do multiple things. She presses it to send Obi-Wan's message to the Jedi on Coruscant. She presses it to pull up a map of the galaxy. It's now referred to as Padmé's one-for-all button, her do-everything button, or her magic button.
18 The Trash Will Do
As Rey and Finn try to escape from Jakku with BB-8, they scramble onto the Millennium Falcon even though Rey dismissively calls it "garbage." This drew a chuckle from the audience. Of course the Millennium Falcon isn't garbage. You know nothing, Rey.
Her statement ends up being extremely false instead of just slightly incorrect.
Without a single hitch, Rey and Finn power up the Falcon and use it to execute some tight maneuvers escaping attacking TIE Fighters. How could a ship (even a ship as awesome as the Falcon) remain space-worthy if it has been marooned on Jakku for many years? I doubt Unkar Plutt took good care of it or even fueled it. Yet it was still able to outmatch the TIE fighters and make it into space without too much of a hassle.
17 The High Cost
The mighty Death Star was a force to be reckoned with in both A New Hope and in Return of the Jedi. It must have taken quite a few resources to build a space station that could destroy an entire planet with a single blast. An economics project done at LeHigh University showed that the cost of building a Death Star is astronomical.
In point of fact, it is impossibly high.
The amount of money the Empire would have had to have spent in order to make the Death Star makes the project practically infeasible. However, if you are really dead set on constructing an ultimate weapon, I guess you'll do what you will do. I'm just surprised no Imperial systems ever rose up in revolt against the high expenditures. The Rebellion should have seen an increase in numbers.
16 Poked, Prodded, Etc
For some diabolical reason, Jabba kept a droid torture chamber within his palace. I have no clue why a droid would risk being disobedient to Jabba, but if they were, I guess this is where they were sent to. The chamber shows droids having hot irons pressed to their feet and dangling from electrified chains.
This begs the question: can droids feel pain?
I know that their sensors can be scrambled or fried, but are they truly designed to feel pain? At one point in The Empire Strikes Back, Threepio is taken apart and put back together. If he felt pain the way a human being does, wouldn't he have been in agony during that process? Instead, he is able to give instructions to Chewbacca about how to reattach his limbs to his torso (albeit, somewhat fretfully).
15 Talking The Talk
Rey's ability to speak Wookie is never explained in the films. It's just something she knows how to do. It's easier for me to understand her ability to speak to droids. As clearly seen around and near Niima Outpost, there are many droids who work on Jakku. It makes sense that Rey learned droidspeak. She would need to in order to work for Unkar Plutt as a scavenger. But Wookie?
Wookie is a very specific language for her to know.
And since it's revealed in The Last Jedi that her parents were just "nobodies," junkers who abandoned her on Jakku, there is no familial reason why she should have learned to speak the Wookie language. Novels may be written (or may have already been written) explaining Rey's ability to converse with Chewbacca, but if you just examine the films, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
14 The Traitor Princess
In most of A New Hope, Princess Leia is the smartest character there. Han is a cocky smuggler whose mouth gets him into trouble more often than not, and Luke is a wide-eyed farm boy on his first adventure away from home. Leia is one of the leaders of a Rebellion resisting a Galactic Empire.
However, she makes a nonsensical mistake towards the end of the film.
After escaping the Death Star with Luke and Han, she makes a comment about how their escape was too easy and the Imperials must have placed a tracker on the Falcon. Well, Leia, if you knew that, why didn't you just have Han drop you off at another system, away from the Rebel base, and then take an un-tracked ship back to Yavin 4? You knowingly put the Rebellion in danger!
13 Tuskens Yes, Younglings No
Padmé's heart should have broken a long time ago, before she married Anakin Skywalker. When he attempted to rescue his mother from Tusken Raiders, he found that they had kept her in captivity and hurt her to the point of her demise. In his rage, he then slaughtered every single one of the Tuskens, including the women and children.
When he told this to Padmé, she comforted him and held him while he cried.
However, when she found out that he had ended the Jedi Younglings at the Jedi Temple later on, her heart broke. Well, Padmé, you can't have it both ways. Either you're okay with being with a person who occasionally eradicates large groups of sentient beings or you're not.
12 A Salty Escape
While Rey is off trying to learn Jedi skills from an irritable Luke Skywalker, Finn goes on an adventure with his newfound pal, Rose. Together, they visit a casino planet called Canto Bight, and Finn learns to value Rose's high ideals regarding right and wrong. As such, during the Battle of Crait, Finn tries to make a sacrifice play.
Rose stops him by ramming his ship away from a laser blast with her own ship.
The two of them crash right next to the First Order assault forces, far away from the Resistance. And yet, somehow, Finn manages to drag an injured Rose all the way back to the Resistance without getting caught. One, no way that someone could do this if they weren't central figures to the plot. Two, this is Finn we're talking about here. I love the guy, but he started out this movie naked in a water-leaking bag.
11 Better Than Cinderella Mice
Return of the Jedi gave us the delightful Ewoks. (Yes, I am one of those people who appreciate Ewoks. The introduction of Jar Jar Binks to the saga really put things into perspective.) Leia was the first person to meet them, and she ingratiated herself to them so much, that they invited her to their camp and they gave her... a dress? It's a human-sized dress, with provocative slits on the sides, clearly meant for a humanoid woman. Where did the Ewoks get that? Did they make it for her on the spot? If that's the case, they are probably the best seamstresses on this side of the galaxy. What if they just had a woman's dress lying around? I mean... Ewoks do eat meat, so...
10 Into The Woods
Despite having no training whatsoever, Rey is able to defeat Kylo Ren in lightsaber battle in the snow on Starkiller Base. Yeah, Rey is cool like that. Anyways, just as she defeats him, the Base is set to explode. General Hux (Kylo Ren's eternal frenemy) is ordered by Supreme Leader Snoke to find Kylo Ren and escape the Base.
The problem is that Hux is inside the Base's facility, and Kylo Ren is lying wounded outside in the snowy forest.
How did Hux find him? Starkiller Base exploded within minutes of Rey wounding Kylo Ren. Hux would have had no time to locate and pick up the defeated Kylo. Unless Kylo Ren has a hidden tracking device on his person at all times, his escape makes no sense.
9 Not The Brightest Star In The Galaxy
The Emperor's sinister plan to destroy the Rebellion in Return of the Jedi was pretty masterful. He allowed them to take the plans to the second Death Star, letting them know where the shield base on Endor is so that they could destroy it. He hid from them that the battle station was operational though, so when the Rebel fleet arrived, they were set to be annihilated. And he upped the amount of security around the shield base so that it would not be easily deactivated. Little did he know what powerful allies the Ewoks would be for the Rebellion. His biggest mistake, however, was giving the Rebels the actual plans for the Death Star. Why would he do that? He should have covered all his bases and given them incorrect schematics.
8 Liar, Liar, Robes On Fire
Arguments have arisen over what is the correct order to show the movies to newcomers of the Star Wars universe. I believe that people should the movies in the order they came out in. So the original trilogy should be seen first, then the prequels, then the sequels.
It is a bit hilarious to watch them in sequential order though.
If you watch Rogue One before you watch A New Hope, you catch Leia in a very blatant lie. When Darth Vader boards her ship in A New Hope, she protests against his incursion by saying she was only on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan. But her ship is clearly seen fleeing the Battle of Scarif with the stolen Death Star plans in Rogue One. Vader literally watches her fly away.
7 The Stork Brought Him
Anakin's birth is perhaps the most annoying facet of the Star Wars universe. Okay, not his actual birth, but the story of his birth. When Qui-Gon asks Anakin's mom, Shmi, who Anakin's dad is, she says that there was no father. First of all, what?! Second of all, are you serious? He just sprang from the ether into Shmi's uterus? I don't buy it. Or is The Phantom Menace trying to shove down our throats more evidence that Anakin Skywalker is the Chosen One by saying that little Force particles coalesced into a baby? This makes absolutely no sense. Even as a kid, this irked me. This shouldn't be possible. If I have to hear another Mary/Christ comparison, I'm going to scream.
6 Hiding In Plain Sight
The reason Luke grew up with his Uncle Owen and his Aunt Beru was so that he could remain hidden from his father. Obi-Wan and Yoda placed him there for his protection. But you have to wonder, was it really a smart idea to give Luke to Darth Vader's only living relatives? If Vader were to ever figure out that his son had survived, wouldn't the first place he would search be his stepbrother's place?
And Leia's hiding place wasn't so great either.
Yoda and Obi-Wan hid her with one of the most prominent leaders of the Rebellion, a Rebellion that frequently antagonized the Empire that Darth Vader worked for. I'm sensing a pattern here. Mayhaps, the two Jedi Masters did not care for the Skywalker children as much as we have been led to believe.