The purpose of Untitled Goose Game is to cause chaos and we, as a goose, are very good at it. But some of the villagers insist in getting in our way. Sure, maybe they're just trying to go about their daily lives. But we have an important mission: make them not do that.
Tormenting the villagers is our primary objective. Even if some of them are terrible and try to ruin our fun. Take a look with us into the mind of a vengeful goose, and see which villagers are the worst and which are the best.
11 Burly Man
The hateful burly man blocks our entrance into the pub. He doesn't know that the village belongs to us now and that we may go wherever we like. If we approach the gate he uses his monstrous size to shoo us away, but luckily we are clever. We can fool him. But even worse than blocking the way, he will chase us out once we are inside, even though we have clearly bested him. A dishonorable man.
The shopkeeper is jealous of her treasures; we understand. It is almost goose-like of her. Unfortunately, she is not a goose and we are. By rights, all her little trinkets should be ours. Even when we take them and they become ours, she finds our shopping basket and steals them back. Unbelievable. Luckily we can break her broom weapon and lock her in a garage in retribution.
If anyone in town knows our tricks, it's the groundskeeper. His precious garden is right next to our pond. He must know our goal, our deep golden desire. But he is old and slow and is too much of a coward to confront us unless he sees us with a carrot in our beak. Not that we're complaining. It's great fun to steal his keys and his pumpkins and make him crush his fat ape hands. Even if there is more exciting prey on the horizon. But he does start the smear campaign against us with his anti-goose propaganda sign and we think that's rude.
8 Pub Owner
The pub owner also has the ability to force us out of her territory (perhaps she learned it from the burly man) but will only force us off of the porch and no further. She must know her power over us is weaker beyond the steps.
She might be worse, except that there are lots of tables to hide beneath on the porch and she cannot reach us there. Let us lead her on a merry chase!
7 Neighbor Woman
The neighbor woman is deceitful. At first glance, her cluttered yard looks like a goose treasure hoard. We thought she might be amenable to our values. A kindred spirit. But she rejects our chaos. If any of her precious statuary is knocked askew, or any of her underthings pilfered, she must put them back exactly. That isn't the true goose way. We will dispose of her false goose and steal the beautiful ribbon as punishment.
6 Electronic Shop Owner
The electronic shop owner doesn't affect our crusade much. She mostly waits inside her many-windowed shop and doesn't interact with us. We are curious why she has a camera that connects to all the TVs in her shop. Is she a hacker? Is she plotting a network takeover. We would approve of such of thing, but we have no way to be sure. She would be perfectly neutral, save for her one grave mistake. She releases The Boy from the phone box. How dare she? How dare she undo our greatest accomplishment. Is he even her Boy? No, he is our Boy. We keep him in the phone box as a pet.
5 Neighbor Man
The neighbor man with his tidy yard is still our enemy, but we respect his methods. When we bring items into his yard which he does not want, despite our perfect generosity in bringing him these gifts, he throws them over his fence.
Into neighbor woman's yard.
It doesn't matter if they're her items or not. He will make a lovely mess of her yard because he wants his yard to be clean. It is ruthless. We admire him. But we still have to destroy his most prized possession, on principle.
4 Old Man
Do we like the old man? We like to steal the old man's chair and knock him down. We like to take his harmonica and honk a terrible song at him from underneath the porch. But do we like him? Perhaps we do. Perhaps it is the way he will play a game with us, throwing the rings if we pick one up. Not everyone has to be our enemy all the time. It's okay just to have a little fun sometimes. Of course, while he is distracted throwing rings we will probably steal his harmonica again. For the encore. But it was nice while it lasted.
Ah, our partner in crime! Recall how we tricked the burly man into letting us past the pub gate? It was this lovely villager who aided us in our hour of need. She conveniently left an empty cardboard box where we could reach it, just the right size for a goose. Oh, she played it cool, but she must have known what would come of such an action. She felt goose weight in the box and she brought us into the pub anyway. What a delightful deception. Take that, burly man, you stop us. We will slither through you defense like a snake. Inside a box.
2 Women at the Table
Finally someone who appreciates us. Someone who looks beyond the pure chaos of our soul and sees what truly matters: our appearance. We won't lie, we are a fine creature to behold. Our pure white feathers, our bright orange beak. We deserve to be admired!
These ladies also appreciate our exceptional dramatic abilities. Thank you, dear, thank you, yes, we should go into acting.
1 The Boy
Oh, The Boy. The Boy is our very most favorite. He is too weak to challenge is and too frightened to defy us. We can chase The Boy from here to the pub and back again and never be tired of his terrified whimpering. It is the highlight of our day to blind him and knock him down, especially to knock him down in the puddle where he will never find his glass eyes. We love to steal his little toy and bring it to the terrible shopkeeper, who will make him pay for his own treasure. Yes, we like to torment The Boy very much. We will put him in the phone box and keep him there for later.