Gamers show their undying loyalty to their favorite franchises in a myriad of ways that go beyond simply buying the game. Some fans have an almost cult like loyalty to certain titles, developers, or consoles. Creatives will often create their own fanfiction, fanart, or conspiracy theories to share among their fellow devotees. Others show their support with clothing, accessories letting the whole world know who and what they love. Hell, people will spend their entire weekend at a video game convention, dressed in an uncomfortable costume, just to rep their fandom. All these expressions of love are great, but you can always go a step further.
You can make a lifelong commitment.
What better way to make that commitment than literally etch something from your favorite game into your very flesh? Flesh that you will have, forever. Now, before I go any further I just want to say I love tattoos, and I love good video game tattoos. Good, of course, is the operative word in that sentence. What you are about to see are 15 mistakes. 15 ideas that sounded way better in these people’s minds than it does on their skin. If by some chance you see yourself on the list, know that while I make mock you, (I will) I truly, truly am sorry for your misfortune. But, if you like what you got, more power to you!
So, without further grandstanding, here are 15 Nintendo Tattoos that will make you say “What were they thinking?!
15 Passion Of The Plumber
I’m no Christian, but if I were, I don’t know if this would offend me more as a religious person, or as a gamer. Now the picture is pretty zoomed in but from what I can tell, this guy got a full back piece of Mario on the cross. Now, this leads to a lot of interpretations. Is Mario the god of video games? Or is Miyamoto the god of games who sent his son down to die for our sins? Does he consider the current Mario franchise those sins? To be honest, I think I’m giving this too much thought. Mario’s grin is even more unsettling, like, “its-a me, Mario, ho hoo my lungs are-a collapsin.” No matter how you interpret the message behind this one, we can all agree it's holy sh*t.
14 “I Think My Interview Went Well”
I won’t even go into the health hazards of having something so edgy this close to your face. Even if you don’t think this tattoo is the worst thing you’ve ever seen, the placement alone lands it on this list. Was the wrist not edgy enough for him? I mean, at least then in a couple of months when you realize what a bad idea this was, you can wear long sleeve shirts to hide it while you book your cover-up appointment. Nope, this man’s trachea will forever have two chubby plumbers flanking his Adam’s apple. The only thing this guy guaranteed is that any job he applies to where you aren’t working from home, or somewhere very dimly lit, it’s pretty much “game over” for him.
13 Is That A Light Gun In Your Pocket, Or Are You Happy To See Me?
Much like getting a tattoo on your neck or face area, one can always question the motives behind getting a good ol' tramp stamp. I’m all freedom for expression, of course, but everyone should be aware that people are going to scrutinize those expressions. I do think there is a bit of a difference than, let’s say, the classic butterfly tramp stamp vs. getting the game-over screen from Duck Hunt as a tramp stamp. Where should I begin? There’s a doggie style joke in there, an out of bullets joke, a light gun joke (I made that one already), hell, even a bush joke if you want to go for it. I think the guy in the background pretty much sums it up perfectly. Go ahead and take your best shot at deciding why she did this to herself.
12 Small Console, Big Mistake
I remember my first Game Boy. Admittedly, it was a Game Boy Color, so maybe that’s why I don’t understand why someone would tattoo the original Game Boy right below their navel. Was it that good? Should I go dig around an antique shop to try to find one? I mean it would have to be, right, to be so in love with it that you’d want to stare at it right above your... private area every single day? For an added bonus, let’s just throw in the Konami Code under it. It was very important to whoever got this tattoo that they got a good rainbow color scheme on the code input, but not so much that the lines on the Game Boy were drawn straight. But hey, to each their own.
11 Death Comes In Threes
Ok, bro, what do I love more than anything? Well bro, I’d have to say Harry Potter and Legend of Zelda. That’s right, bro and what do they have in common? Uhh, well obviously triangular iconography prevalent throughout both series. Right dude, you get it, so I had this rad idea for a gnarly tat bro, wanna hear it? Of course, dude, I’ll support any life choice you make bro. Righteous, ok, so get this, a Triforce AND the Deathly Hollows, inside like ANOTHER triangle. Bro, I love you, that’s so badass, but triangles have like, three things man. And? So, like what’s the third thing gonna be? I don’t know, a Pokéball or something, I guess. Oh yeah, that makes sense.
10 Hey, At Least I’ll Never Get A Tie For Father’s Day
This is one of those where I call into question if the victim, I mean customer, who walked into the tattoo shop fully understood the ramifications of their actions. For the rest of this man’s life, he will have Donkey Kong’s tie on his skin. Every pool party, every beach day, every trip to the doctor, every shower, and every long disappointed gaze into the mirror will all feature a bright red tie worn by a fictional gorilla. I would suggest some alternatives for him, like maybe get the DK barrel inked on his buttcheeks, or Diddy Kong’s hat tattooed on his scalp, but I don’t want to give this loose cannon any ideas. Anyone want to bet, at some point in his life he has said, “the ladies really go BANANAS for my tattoo?”
9 Song Of Healing Won’t Fix This
This is an all too common example of a not so terrible idea that was met with terrible execution. If my friend came up to me and told me they wanted to get a Link tattoo on their arm, I’d honestly say “hey, that’s pretty cool.” Then if they showed up the next week with, well… this on their arm, my first question would be, was the artist an intern? My second would be, were you not paying attention while this was going on? Finally, my third would be, so when are we getting that covered up? Because I’m not sure I want to be seen rolling around with that. I would venture to bet that if they could, the owner of this masterpiece would love to turn back time, let’s say three days before their appointment to stop this disaster. Unless they’re actually proud of it, then I’m as a speechless as Link.
8 Chronic Foot Fungus
Some things just write their own jokes. Like getting an angry, fungus based character tattooed across your feet. I don’t even want to imagine how badly this one hurt. I’ve heard that the ribs and your feet are two of the most agonizing spots to get tattooed. It really makes this entry all the more fascinating when you consider the personal hardship this person had to endure just so they could look down every morning and see a god damn Goomba scowling up at them. There is just something so unsettling about its eyes. Look at it again, like really look at it. The longer I stare at that Goomba the more anxiety I get. Maybe they were trying to make a joke about how much they hate getting their feet stepped on? Maybe I’m trying way too hard to give logic to the illogical. It also just dawned on me this tattoo only “works” if their feet are together. So for, I don’t know, 99.8% of their lives, they just have a bisected Goomba scrawled on their foot. Money well spent.
7 Time To Cut The Cord
Ok, so this person got an NES controller coming out of their belly button, almost like it was an umbilical cord. This could almost make sense if this person created the Nintendo Entertainment System, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say they did not. So, what are they getting at? That they’re Nintendo’s baby? Or maybe that they’re easy to play, all you got to do is finger the buttons on their side. Oh, I know! They’re extremely ticklish and were sick of people doing it, so they put a controller there… wait, no, that doesn’t make any sense either. Ok, here is my final guess. Their body is like the console because Nintendo is so important to them, their games make up this person’s insides. Or, maybe this was just an idea that should have stayed in their heads, and off their stomach.
6 Six Mistakes, One Body
Ladies and gentlemen, this week only at “No Regerts Tattoo Shop” we’re running a special! Why stop at one badly drawn tattoo when you can get SIX (we’re still going to charge you for each one individually)?! This one is so rough it’s actually kind of hard to make out what he chose to ruin his body with. I see Samus from Metroid, and Bowser for sure. Top right looks like it's Mario and Luigi as conjoined twins, which is an interesting artistic take. Below that is anyone’s guess. I see Mr. Saturn from Earthbound with bat wings I think. Above Samus is everyone’s favorite video game hero, Boomhauer from King of the Hill. Still waiting on that next gen King of the Hill remake!
5 A Bad Trip
I’m having a tough time with this one. I keep looking back to it, trying to wrap my head around what visual stimuli is actually entering in my mind, but I can’t process it. All I can do is laugh. There is just so much wrong here, in such a small package. Mario’s face is really unlike anything I’ve seen before. It’s almost as if the tattoo artist wanted to give Mario the trollface, but decided to make it even more meta and mess that up as well. The mushroom he’s holding (more like floating in his palms) has a bite taken out of it, so I guess the idea is Mario is tripping? Are we supposed to be vicariously tripping through Mario? I wish there was a video recording of this person showing their Avant-garde artwork to their parents.
4 Probably Won’t Have To Worry About This Choice
Hey remember that time you said “bros before hoes” to your friend that one time he ditched you to hang out with his girlfriend but you were totally kidding? Or that time you said it on the jungle gym in middle school, but you were still probably totally kidding? Well, good going, because this guy thought you were serious and that you were on the same page! You have to ask yourself though, who is the REAL idiot here? This guy, who essentially decided to stamp proof of his virginity onto his forearm? Or you, who lacks the real commitment and devotion to carry through and represent the “bros before hoes mentality? Yea exactly, think about that. Honestly, this is somehow even worse than the classic saying. Bros before hoes at least implies you have friends to put before said hoes, right?
3 I, For One, Wish You Would Stop
Where to begin with this one? I guess the best place would be at a psychiatric professional’s office to get some insight as to why people do things like this to themselves, but that sounds expensive. I think my favorite part of this one is that the two tattoos are so disjointed. The “can’t stop, won’t stop” phrase (or lifestyle in this case) doesn’t make me stop and think “yeah Boo really exemplifies that.” In fact, the hiding Boo under “can’t stop” DOES stop. He stops when you face him, and makes that exact scared face! What is really impressive here is that if he just got the Boos done, or just the “can’t stop, won’t stop” it would still be a bad tattoo. Combining them though, really makes something special, a tattoo worse than the sum of its parts.
2 Who’s That Pokémon?! No, Seriously…
In April of 2015 this, uh, shall we say “interesting take” on a Charmander tattoo took Reddit by storm. Now, the official explanation that was given for this crime against one’s own skin was that the victim’s friend was both high on Xanax and drunk and decided that they could deliver a sick Charmander tattoo. What he got instead was a gangly lizard-like creature sporting blackface, which looked to be drawn in sharpie. When I first saw this image, I assumed it was done in Sharpie and paid it no mind. When I found out this was a permanent addition to this poor guy’s body, I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or both. Sh*tmander, as it came to be called on the interwebz, had quite the little run as a good meme, but is slowly fading into obscurity, which is probably for the best.
1 I Can’t Even Justify This With a Snappy Quip
Are you serious? Where were your friends, where were your family? If they supported this, you need to run... you need to run and start your life over. It isn’t too late, well it is too late for that entire side of your body, but it isn’t too late for your soul. You can still be saved, you can still be healed. At least, I think you can. I don’t know anymore. I thought I had a good grasp on the world, but now that I know there is someone who willingly got an image of Princess Peach in lingerie sitting on a rather phallic mushroom on their ribs, I don’t know what’s real anymore. What kind of drugs do you take to make this seem like a good idea? I gotta sit down everybody, hell, maybe I need to take a vacation. I have looked into the abyss, and it has looked back.