Now that The Witcher has come out on Netflix, how does Geralt’s manly fortitude stack up against the games? Let’s find out.
WARNING: The following is a frank and earnest discussion about video game characters “doing it.” Although you really don’t see much in the games, this sort of topic can make a few folks squeamish. Reader discretion is advised.
To put it mildly, Netflix’s new series, The Witcher, is pretty darned graphic. When you’re being compared to Game of Thrones, a television series that got away with showing softcore porn moments before crushing a man’s head with a pike, that’s really saying something. Let’s get down to business.
The mood is basically set in Episode 3 - "Betrayer Moon", when we see Yennefer and Instredd getting it on in a cave right in front of some illusory nobles, almost like their consummating a medieval political marriage. There is full nudity and only shadows to break up the bodies, but it doesn’t do a very good job.
Then in Episodes 5 and 6, we get to see Geralt and Yennefer bump uglies on multiple occasions. The first time might have been a desperate scramble with full clothes on, but Episode 6 - "Rare Species" has several scenes that implies these two got it on for quite some time. This tracks with the games, but how well does it compare to them?
Before we can start comparing the sex scenes from Netflix’s new Witcher adaptation, first we have to remind ourselves how similar scenes played out in the games. I don’t know about you, but it’s been quite a while since the first Witcher game was released (2007, to be exact) and I can’t really remember how the first games handled doing the dirty deed.
Luckily, this is the age of the internet and someone on YouTube has already created a compilation video of every possible romantic encounter throughout all three Witcher games. Thank you, Naughty Gaming. You’re doing the Lord’s work.
Got it? Great. Let's begin the comparison.
The Witcher
Let’s be honest, this game really didn’t give us much when it came to sweat-slicked skin-on-skin action. While Geralt is implied to be quite the lady’s man (when the player makes the “correct” choices, of course), you don’t really see much of anything. Instead, the game just presents you with a lewd playing card that shows what you could have had if CD Projekt Red had ever bothered to create a nude model for their game.
Compared to the Netflix adaptation, the first Witcher game is basically the Saturday morning cartoon version. Let’s move on.
Witcher 2: Assassin's Of Kings
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere, but we still don’t really see much. The issue here is that CD Projekt Red created some naked female models, but they never bothered to create a naked Geralt model. Whenever Geralt gets down to business, it’s always in his skivvies. Which is a bit of a letdown, if we’re being perfectly honest.
While Geralt is still a Cassanova who kills werewolves, the scenes where he actually rails a woman of the night are a little underwhelming. Although we do get to see Geralt smoking a pipe afterward, so at least there’s that.
Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt
Now we get to some of the good stuff. If you watched Naughty Gaming’s video, then you already know that Witcher 3 has more “intimate scenes” than both Witchers 1 & 2 combined. It's not so much that there Geralt got more action in 3 (although he does) but that each scene was about building a relationship, whether it be with Triss, Yennefer, or Shani.
Well, except for the brothels. There are still plenty of those, too.
The scenes themselves show just as much skin as the Netflix series. Admittedly, it's not quite as supple as live-action, but you can bet if there's a fourth Witcher game, you won't be able to tell the difference between it and the Netflix series.