Remember a couple years ago when there was a ton of clown movies coming out at the same time? IT, Clown, Terrifier, and a bunch of other movies about clowns suddenly came out of nowhere. It seemed like every trailer was about some new clown demon consuming the essence of our fears. Then you'd turn on the news, and every single day some dudes dressed like clowns were hanging out in the woods doing weird clown stuff. Clown Year sucked.
Fortunately, the wheel of time never stops turning, or time is a flat circle, or...time heals all wounds? ANYWAY the point is Clown Year is OVER. We're in a new age: this is the year of the crab.
I know, I know, FINALLY right!? I mean we've been in a serious crab game drought for as long as any one can remember. Here's a graph illustrating the number of crab games that have been released over the years:
As you can see, we have officially entered the golden age of crab games. I'm not talking about some boring crab simulator, either. I'm talking about high impact crab action, the kind of stuff we've only DREAMED about for YEARS. Here's a picture of every single letter I've sent to Santa for the last 26 years of my life:
You want 1v1 crab fighting to the death? BOOM: Fight Crab baby. This game's got swords, drills, axes, chains, NUNCHUCKS. Guys you can use a chainsaw to fight another crab weilding Darth Maul's double lightsaber. How is everyone not talking about this!?
Maybe you're watching that and you're thinking, "Ok, buddy, guy, ok buddy guy. But where in the Sam Hill is the parkour!?"
Alright, relax. That's the other crab game, Crab Champions. This is the game for those of you that are thinking "Well of course I wanna be a crab, but I also wanna go FAST." And yes, before you ask, they do have shotguns.
Finally, for the crab gamer on the go, we've got King of Crabs. I know mobile gamers aren't real gamers, but hey, the king crab gets a crown, and that's just a really strong metaphor for life in general, isn't it?
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